Chapter 53: Still Sympathetic to the Greenery (16)

No major event on Sishui Guiyuan Street could escape the watchful eye of Lord Pan. Almost immediately after He Chun identified the culprits, Pan Shixian was informed.

With the royal mandate to oversee the construction of over a dozen streets, he was so busy that blisters had formed on his feet. While he was soaking them, Lady Pan heated a needle over a candle, preparing to pop his blisters later.

The butler entered quietly, "Lord Lai didn't try to hide it much. Our people quickly interrogated them."

Pan Shixian was in a daze for quite some time. When he regained his composure, he burst into laughter, grabbed the needle from his wife, and poked at his blisters. Without wiping the water from his feet, he put on his shoes and rushed out to spread the news.

The emperor also learned of the situation and summoned He Chun, asking, "Is this true?"

Of course, it was true. Withholding his laughter, He Chun replied solemnly, "Yes, I investigated it personally. Those individuals were accustomed to such activities in Jiangnan. After the flood, they lost their homes and followed the students to the capital."

Though it was said to be students traveling to the capital, not only students arrived, but also many wealthy merchants. The emperor initially disapproved, but with the influx of silver for purchasing houses and spending, the Ministry of Finance's coffers swelled, and everyone turned a blind eye.

The emperor sighed, "This matter is truly... Duke Xun Guo looked so grim in court today; I didn't have the heart to tease him."

He continued, "As for Pan Shixian, he certainly holds a grudge."

He Chun: "Lord Pan already had a blister on his foot. After going around and back, I heard that the skin on the bottom of his foot is now a bloody mess."

The emperor burst into laughter. "That Pan Shixian!"

After some contemplation, he said, "He Chun, since you uncovered this matter, you should go and try to console Duke Xunguo."

He Chun: "I dare not go — he's currently furious with me."

The emperor was amused once more by his response. "Yes, Duke Xunguo does hold grudges."

The crown prince happened to arrive at that moment and, seeing their exchange, asked, "Is this about Duke Xunguo?"

The emperor nodded warmly. "Indeed. I asked He Chun to visit him, but he dares not."

Pausing, the emperor suddenly inquired, "He Chun, between Lord Pan and Duke Xunguo, whom do you prefer?"

The crown prince's brows twitched upon hearing this. A pained expression appeared on He Chun's face. "Your Majesty, it's a lose-lose situation. But since offending either is inevitable, I might as well offend Duke Xunguo. I've already crossed him."

The emperor laughed again, patting He Chun's shoulder. "Very well, then offend Duke Xunguo as you must. Listen to my advice and pay him a visit at his residence to explain yourself. Don't let him bear a grudge against you, for he is, after all, your superior."

The prince was startled and fearful upon hearing this. He Chun himself was drenched in sweat from the back. When he returned, he told Duke of England, "His Majesty is now more and more fond of asking such questions."

Duke of England asked, "How did His Majesty react after your answer?"

He Chun replied, "I don't think I answered incorrectly."

Having grown up serving by His Majesty's side, he could tell if the emperor was genuinely pleased or just pretending. But the emperor had never asked such questions before.

Duke of England sighed, "Being with the king every day, you must be even more cautious."

He Chun nodded and went to Duke of Merit's residence. Duke of Merit was at home drinking in despair. Upon seeing He Chun, he said, "You mocked me today, and one day, it will be my turn to mock you."

He Chun personally poured wine for him, "I truly didn't expect this matter to escalate so much."

Duke of Merit didn't argue with him but lamented, "My reputation is truly ruined now. First, I was accused of harming my wives, then I was rumored to have a liking for widows, and now, I'm said to be impotent—ah, all my accomplishments in life seem to have been overshadowed by women in my later years."

When He Chun came back, he couldn't stop laughing. Zhe Wan was on the side, slowly grinding eggshells with a pestle. There was also some wood ash nearby, which she planned to mix with them to nourish her orchids. She was contemplating the appropriate ratio when she noticed his uncontrollable laughter.

She couldn't help but take a deep breath and, while grinding, spoke calmly, "There's no need to laugh at him. It's common for older men to marry younger women."

He Chun's smile vanished.

There was quite an age difference between him and Zhe Wan as well. But he didn't consider himself to be the same as Duke Xun. He couldn't help but remark, "I'm not like him. His concubine spoke without thinking in order to escape punishment, even praising Duke Xun's tactics as remarkable..."

He wouldn't resort to such methods if he couldn't have his way with her in other areas.

He Chun wasn't a man of excessive desires; he would never stoop so low.

It was the first time Zhe Wan had heard about this matter. She frowned and commented, "Duke Xun is truly..."

He Chun also lost respect for him. "I used to give him some face, but not anymore."

He felt that Duke Xun was growing old. "I've heard that he was very clever when he was young."

Why did people become foolish as they aged?

Zhe Wan thought of Sun Sanniang. Had Third Sister gone through something similar?

Men truly understand men, Zhe Wan thought. At the mere hint of her frown, He Chun grasped her concern and said, "What are you pondering? Such tactics can only be used on concubines."

He would never dare to do such things to his wife. But a concubine was merely a plaything. He continued with a practiced air, "Vice Premier Zhu - didn't he try to gift me a concubine last time? I wouldn't dare accept one from his family; who knows how many hands she's passed through? Even he, an old man on the verge of death, has taken in an eighteen-year-old girl."

Not that he had any desire for a concubine, but even if he did, he wouldn't take one from the Zhu family. He found them detestable.

The mere thought made Zhe Wan feel disgusted. "Enough!"

He Chun dropped the subject and said, "Ayan's memorial day is approaching. In previous years, I went alone, but this year, let's bring Chuan-ge along."

Zhe Wan acknowledged him with a soft 'mm', then lifted her gaze to the window. Suddenly, she remarked, "They are indeed close to withering."

He Chun sighed deeply. "Yes."

The third day of the eighth lunar month marked both Zhe Yan's memorial day and Chuan-ge's birthday. In previous years, Lady Zhao had been reluctant to let Chuan-ge join, her reasoning sound: "He was born weak, and the master said his constitution is fragile. It's not good to let him venture out often. Besides, children have sensitive eyes. They're easily frightened before the age of three, and he was already exposed to blood at birth. Why expose him to the graves? A home ceremony for his memorial tablet is just as meaningful."

At a young age, such precautions were acceptable, but it would be inappropriate as he grew older. This time, Lady Zhao didn't object.

Nanny Yu had prepared early. On the memorial day, clothes and shoes should be somber, not vibrant. She even asked the young maidservant to sew a plain hat overnight, fearing that Chuan-ge might catch a cold outdoors.

Due to Zhe Wan's non-interference in her affairs with Chuan Ge-er, she had become more cordial towards Zhe Wan lately – mainly because Madam Zhao had recently fallen ill.

Although she was unsure how Zhe Wan had acted, seeing that Madam Zhao would fall ill every time Zhe Wan visited, Nanny Yu was convinced that Zhe Wan had used some sort of tactic.

Compared to Zhe Wan, Nanny Yu now despised Madam Zhao even more. She told Chuan Ge-er, "Your mother was such a wonderful person, but she was worn down to death by your grandmother. Later on, she didn't even allow you to pay respects to your mother, fearing that if you saw your birth mother's grave, your deep maternal bond would prevent you from growing distant from her as you matured. Chuan Ge-er – I'm only telling you this, don't share it with others."

Chuan Ge-er softly acknowledged, then looked out the window. His father and mother were already up, the main house's candles lit, and servants were carrying in water for washing faces.

He wanted to greet his parents, but with Nanny Yu here, he couldn't say anything. He knew Nanny Yu would object, with the usual reason: You're not the young madam's biological child, and at this hour, she'll surely find you bothersome.

Chuan Ge-er felt upset. Lowering his head, he waited for Nanny Yu to turn and leave to instruct the young maids to serve breakfast early before suddenly bolting out.

Chan Yue was startled and quickly went to steady him, "Chuan Ge-er, be careful, don't fall."

His father's voice echoed in the room, "Is that Chuan Ge-er? Let him in."

Chan Yue carried Chuan Ge-er inside. Li He Chun frowned, "Didn't I say not to carry him anymore? How old is he now?"

Chuan Ge-er promptly freed himself and stood up straight.

He Chun didn't seem to be annoyed; instead, he chuckled and said, "After the morning meal, you can read for a while. Then, we'll set off when it's time."

There were rules to follow when paying respects. One had to choose an auspicious hour to leave the house. He Chun usually disdained such customs derived from Buddhism, stating, "A sincere visit is more meaningful than anything else."

Glancing behind him, he asked, "Haven't you changed your clothes yet?"

Zhe Wan emerged leisurely, wearing plain attire without any makeup or elaborate hairstyles. She sat down and instructed Chan Yue, "Tell Cook Li that we're having a vegetarian meal today. No meat allowed."

Chan Yue acknowledged with an 'ai' and was about to leave when she ran into Mother Yu, who was rushing over. "Where's Little Chuan?"

Pointing inside, Chan Yue replied, "In there."

Mother Yu was drenched in sweat. "Good, good."

Mocking her with a smile, Chan Yue said, "The courtyard is full of servants. How could anyone lose sight of a young master? Mother, relax. We're all servants here, all worried about our masters."

Wen Yue approached and said with a smile, "Mother Yu, do you want to go in? The Eldest Young Master, Eldest Young Lady, and Little Chuan are having a conversation."

Mother Yu didn't dare. Frustrated and powerless, she could only stand outside, afraid that Little Chuan might accidentally get scolded and frightened.

Mo Yue approached Wen Yue and tugged on her arm, saying, "Why bother with her? The young mistress doesn't even concern herself with her."

Wen Yue softly spat in response, "I just can't stand her pretended loyalty – if she's so devoted, she shouldn't eat, drink, or use the facilities, just keep both eyes glued on Little Brother Chuan."

The two giggled together. Mama Ming came over and playfully smacked each of them on the back, "Hurry up and get to work!"

Seeing them in such commotion, Mama Yu felt a pang of sorrow. After the young lady left, the young master dispersed all the familiar servants, leaving her feeling overwhelmed and constantly humiliated.

She straightened her back even more. Mama Ming smiled at her but didn't say a word before entering the house.

Addressing their mistresses, she said, "The carriage, incense, candles, and joss paper are all prepared."

Zhe Wan nodded and replied, "Remember to check again before we leave to ensure nothing is forgotten."

Li He Chun sat aside, sipping his tea, his heart filled with a sense of loss. He said, "This is the fourth year."

Zhe Wan ignored him and turned to Little Brother Chuan instead, "Didn't you cultivate a rose bush? Before it wilts, why not take it along to show your mother?"

Little Brother Chuan immediately nodded, "Sure."

He Chun, however, recalled Zhe Wan's words from before. After a moment of hesitation, he said, "Does Ayan truly like rose bushes? Even these flowers were planted for your mother to see when she visits."

This made him feel even more disheartened.

It was the first time Zhe Wan had heard him mention this. Yet, she wasn't surprised. His single sentence caused Chuan Ge to hesitate. "Should I still bring them?"

He Chun couldn't make up his mind. He now even blamed his mother-in-law. "Well, if Ayan doesn't like planting flowers, then she shouldn't."

Zhe Wan replied, "Chuan Ge is asking whether or not to bring them, not for you to criticize!"

He Chun sighed. Chuan Ge could only look at Zhe Wan. Since it was her suggestion, he said, "Let's bring them then. They're the flowers you've nurtured; she'll surely appreciate them."

She turned and hurried out to the greenhouse. He Chun observed, "I suppose she's also bringing the flowers she's cultivated herself."

Sure enough, after getting on the carriage, there were several pots of chrysanthemums placed at the back. He Chun bent down to inspect them and wondered, "You just said that Ayan doesn't like flowers, yet you deliberately brought some for her?"

Now, Zhe Wan felt that He Chun's mind was somewhat impaired. With a hint of a smile, she replied, "You don't like farming either, but why do you still eat?"

Just because one doesn't like growing flowers, does it mean they can't enjoy admiring them?

Flower-giving was a customary practice during these memorial rituals. He Chun showed no embarrassment as he watched Chuan Ge climb into the carriage first before following suit. Lowering the curtain, he said, "In previous years, I always rode my horse over."

Patting Chuan Ge's shoulder, he continued, "When you grow up, your mother can ride the carriage alone, and we'll each have our own horse."

Chuan Ge was visibly thrilled, sitting straight in the carriage.

Zhe Wan narrowed her eyes but didn't comment. This habit of his had been learned from Mother Yu, and it took her much effort to help him break it.

There was no need for a young master to be so tense all the time. She found it exhausting and advised, "Live your life more freely."

She always wished for his well-being. Since she couldn't live freely herself, she wanted him to enjoy that privilege. However, she failed to do so herself, making her feel uncertain about asking this of him. At first, he didn't understand her words.

Zhe Wan had to teach him gradually. As she taught him, she also taught herself, "Don't always sit with your back straight. Why put on airs at home? Don't emulate Mother Yu."

Teaching others taught her as well. Over time, she learned to let go, and Chuan Ge became closer to her for a period. But then, just as she felt she had improved and was rejoicing, he changed.

Upon her return last year, she was perplexed. Living through another year, she gradually began to grasp some understanding.

She thought she had given him so much, but in his eyes, it was actually too little. Occupying the position of his mother, complaints naturally followed.

She still remembered when they first met, he was just as timid as she once was in her youth. He was so fearful that she wanted to protect him, as she would protect a delicate dish. With Li Hechun's impatience, she dared not confront him, instead devoting herself to nurturing him, soothing away his fears.

Gradually, he grew less afraid and became bolder. He began to read and understand the world, no longer confined to their estate or Li Hechun's shadow. He matured and became more astute, yet he started to distance himself from her.

Previously, she didn't understand his estrangement, lost in the complexities of their situation. Now, with a broader perspective, she realized the vastness of the world. Staying in the small courtyard waiting for him was already a lesser choice.

As a child, he might have needed her gentle care and lullabies to sleep, but he didn't need those anymore. He sought something else.

Yet, she couldn't provide it.

She had already offered the best of what she possessed. The other qualities of a mother he desired, the virtues she lacked, she couldn't give.

If she couldn't fulfill them for herself, how could she do so for him?

Before her death, she examined her faults; in her afterlife, she questioned her mistakes. When she returned to the age of fifteen, though she no longer interrogated herself, she occasionally pondered where she had gone wrong.

It wasn't until she experienced more of the world and met more people that she slowly understood—she didn't need to scrutinize herself.

Kneeling before her eldest sister's grave, she burned paper money and whispered, "I've done my best. I'm not in the wrong. I don't blame my weaker self from those foggy days, so I won't allow others to blame me either."

Just like how she used to constantly question herself if she had treated her stepmother poorly, which led her to be obsessed with having a son, at this moment, she also had to say: She was not in the wrong towards her stepmother.

As a daughter, as a mother, she was faultless.

She exhaled deeply, "The fault lies with them, not us."

"Ai Jie, forgive me, I won't raise him again."

Although she had already made this decision when she was reborn, she still needed to tell her elder sister. Just like how she promised at the gravesite in her previous life that she would take good care of him.

She diligently burned the paper money and gently caressed her sister's memorial tablet. After a pause, she softly asked, "What about you? When you planted those roses, did you feel that you were in the wrong?"

She couldn't help but delve into her elder sister's past and thoughts.

The image of her elder sister that had been in her mind for over a decade had faded, and she was willing to paint a new portrait of her.

Li He Chun was burning paper money nearby. Seeing her whispering softly, he couldn't resist moving closer, but he couldn't make out what she was saying. However, her sorrowful expression moved him, and he couldn't help but comment to Chuan Ge, "Both your mothers were wonderful, their sisterly bond was deep."

Tears shimmered in his eyes as he said, "Your mother was an extraordinary person, no one could find a single fault with her."

Looking at the memorial tablet in a daze, then to the side, little Chuan-ge noticed that although his mother wasn't crying, the expression on her face made him want to weep inexplicably. Aunt Yu rushed forward to wipe his tears and comforted him through her own sobs, "Chuan-ge, poor child."

Zhe Wan personally swept the grave, while He Chun removed the weeds nearby. The group paid their respects sincerely before returning.

In the carriage on the way back to the city, He Chun couldn't help but complain about his mother-in-law's absence that day.

"In previous years, she always came, rain or shine. Why didn't she come this year?"

Zhe Wan replied, "I guess it's because her grandson is unwell."

The only thing that could surpass a granddaughter was a grandson.

Her straightforwardness surprised He Chun, who no longer needed her to smooth things over. All he could do was awkwardly tell Chuan-ge, "Your grandmother must be dealing with something significant."

Chuan-ge looked at his mother, who said nothing in response and didn't contradict his father. He lowered his head.

But later that afternoon, when Aunt Yu mentioned that his grandmother had been the kindest to him, he still asked, "If that's the case, why didn't my grandmother come to pay respects to Mother?"

Nanny Yu was speechless, her face flushed red. Finally, she said, "Something must have happened to the Zhe family. Otherwise, even if your grandmother was too ill to move, she would still have gone to pay respects at the graves."

Chuan-ge remained silent, his mood heavy.

In another part of the house, Li Hechun compared Zhe Wan's and his mother's grief. As soon as they returned home that day, his mother had summoned him, probably intending to reconcile with him. She covered her face and wept, "I miss Ayan too."

It all felt too fake. Li Hechun studied his mother's eyes and said disapprovingly, "If you're not sincere, Mother, it's better not to cry, or else Ayan might be saddened by it."

Madam Zhao: "…"

She spat out angrily, "Do you really want me to kneel before Ayan's grave and confess my sins?"

Li Hechun replied, "Why not? Today is her memorial day, and the deceased should be respected, despite your status as an elder."

Madam Zhao slapped her chest in anger, "You ungrateful wretch! Which mother-in-law isn't like this? I've been relatively kind, never causing her any trouble."

But Li Hechun remembered differently, "How did you not cause trouble for Ayan? You were perfectly fine but pretended to be sick. She wanted to attend the Huachao Festival to admire the flowers, but ended up staying home to take care of you because of your supposed illness."

Madam Zhao retorted, "How could I not be sick? My head hurts terribly!"

He Chun: "If you must pretend, then do it convincingly. Don't forbid Ayan from going out in the morning due to your headache, only to go watch a play with Third Sister-in-law in the afternoon."

He still remembered Ayan's smile when he said, "Mother's illness truly depends on who she's with."

He felt guilty too, but back then, they had just gotten married, and he didn't want Ayan to quarrel with his mother. He tried to soothe her, saying, "Calm down for me. I'll bring you some jewelry tomorrow—I saw something at the Treasure Pavilion that I know you'll love."

Ayan fell silent and replied, "Then next year, during the Flower Festival, can you accompany me on an outing?"

He Chun agreed. But he couldn't recall why he failed to keep his promise the following year.

Ayan didn't get angry; instead, she said, "Then next year, then."

Thinking about it now, He Chun felt deeply remorseful.

Madam Zhao burst into tears. "So you want me to confess all this to her grave? I am your mother!"

He Chun sighed. "Yes, but I'm also Ayan's husband. Do you understand, Mother? Ever since I learned of Ayan's regretful passing, my heart has been in agony."

Madam Zhao flew into a rage. "Then suffer in agony!"

What had she done wrong? Was she to be made into a mockery for confessing to a crime on behalf of a deceased daughter-in-law? Today, she was even lowering herself.

He Chun was also heartbroken. He said to Zhe Wan, "Ayan is already gone. Why can't Mother soften her heart even just a little?"

"I don't want to argue with Mother either. Don't I wish to be a good son? But today is Ayan's memorial day, and yet Mother cries insincerely, not shedding a single tear."

Zhe Wan opened the window, leaning out to feel the summer breeze during twilight. She then spoke leisurely, "Yes, why not even a single tear?"

She still remembered that in her previous life, when she returned from paying respects to her elder sister, Lady Zhao had begun to glare at her.

She couldn't fathom the reason, but now it seemed that He Chun had taken his anger out on her.

This frustration was redirected towards herself. She even responded to He Chun, "Your wife, today, actually wants to eat chicken."

Zhe Wan had no intention of eating chicken at all. To Zhao Shi, she said, "The chicken we sacrificed for my eldest sister's memorial has been retrieved."

Zhao Shi probed her with meticulous questions, and Zhe Wan, in turn, replied with equal detail.

Who could have known that she was speaking nonsense?

Madame Zhao always enjoyed provoking her with such remarks, then watching her scramble to explain, fret and worry, and rush about in disarray.

In the end, she accomplished nothing while wasting much time on trivial matters. Madame Zhao, on the other hand, leisurely enjoyed the spectacle.

Song Yueniang had even said behind her back, "Back then, I thought you were so naive, falling for such tricks."

Zhe Wan wanted to retort, "Then aren't you also enjoying the show?"

But due to her nature, she couldn't bring herself to say it, feeling that it was unbecoming to openly confront others.

In this life, she had a more assertive temperament and wasn't afraid to confront people directly. Yet, before she could do anything significant, one of them was entangled in arguments with her son, while the other was caught up dealing with concubines sent by Madame Zhao.

They no longer had the energy or strength to team up against her.

Zhe Wan sat down and leaned against the window, gazing outside. "When I have some free time, I'll pluck all those fading roses and dry them to make rouge. I'll place it as an offering at Elder Sister's grave."

He Chun was deeply moved by her words, believing that he could ask for no better wife.

He replied, "I'll also have the kitchen prepare some of Ayan's favorite dishes to send over."

His heart was currently burning with passion.

Zhe Wan looked at him with a teasing smile, "Is that so? Do you truly believe she enjoys the dishes you like to eat?"

Lihua Chun was left speechless, his words caught in his throat.